India’s Intimacy Issues

India’s Intimacy Issues

In 21st century India, sex is as abundant as tandoori yet as taboo as women exposing their shoulders.  This creates intimacy issues that even the best therapist in New York can’t fix.  The juxtaposition of sultry Bollywood movie posters and sari clad ladies offer a glimpse into the clash between time-honored tradition and new age that make this issue so confusing.  Censorship along with a culture that forbids sexual contact and denies education leads to a lot of sexual tension.

One of the many Bollywood posters that can be spotted throughout Mumbai.

I can’t help but laugh when watching T.V. in India because they bleep out any word that might even make you think dirty thoughts.  You won’t hear any mention of breasts, balls or boners.  Yet the only place to get any information on what’s supposed to happen between the sheets comes from movies and T.V.  Most of which is imported from Hollywood where blonde and white (like me) movie stars seduce men and appear “easy” to the untrained Indian eye.   Because the birds and the bees cannot even be discussed among friends, this suppression leads to a dearth of education on the subject.

Ads for finding a partner in India, no dating required.

The worst part is it’s not just movies that lead men to believe that woman are obliging, arranged marriages couldn’t make finding a partner more effortless. Indian men don’t date, so they don’t have to have a job or any level of maturity to win over a woman. Their wife is chosen by their mother and even though it is now illegal, comes with a dowry.  Many men don’t ever move out of their parents home, their wife is expected to live with him and his parents, often serving as more of a maid than a romantic mate.  At no point does a man have to navigate the demands of a reciprocal relationship, because he’s in charge.

It’s easy to see that men are in control, since for the most part they are in the majority everywhere you go such as this local train in Mumbai.

It’s obvious men are in control when wandering the crowded streets of India. Men feel I’m the perfect outlet for their sexual tension and according to steamy Hollywood sex scenes more than ready to sleep with them.  This creates more than just awkward situations and on more than one occasion I received an unwanted breast exam.  These experiences are not appreciated and cause me to loudly protest in hopes of shaming the molester.  But, they aren’t scary, they’re a very sad commentary on the problems India faces with equal rights.

This woman is literally and figuratively tied to her husband.

While at no point can inappropriate behavior towards woman be fully explained or excused the underlying psychology is that woman are second class citizens. Woman are not equal and therefore violating their space is acceptable. Unfortunately, I don’t see big changes on the horizon without proper education and open dialogue about sex. Men certainly won’t change their outlook as long as arranged marriages exist and a woman are delivered like pizza on a Friday night, hot and ready at their door.


Dress conservatively, look to the locals for your cues on what to wear.  As a rule of thumb make sure your shoulders are covered, your skirt or shorts are at least knee length and avoid low neck lines.

Don’t be shy, if you are touched or receive any unwanted attention be vocal about it.  Also, don’t be afraid to kick or hit to get  your point across.

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» Dad A :
Oct 8, 2012

Can grasp intellectually of what you write, but the emotional, view through your “blonde eyes” must be horrific… safe….love dad

LOCAVORista Reply:

Dad, much of the behavior and attitudes are just appalling in India when it comes to the treatment of women. I hope that things change for the better, but it’s going to take awhile…

» Sahil :
Dec 14, 2013

Hey senorita

Sorry to hear about your disappointing experiences with Indian men. Those faces you showed on trains are the real losers that our country is brimming with. Trust me not all Indian men are like that, we’re really gifted creatures who know how to treat a woman right. What you call reciprocal relationship comes naturally to us. Many of us have been raised with different set of values for example I don’t expect women to cook and clean and take maid status. It’s a stupid idea IMHO.

Well you’re sexy and hot if you’re coming to India, we should meet for a long sexual marathon session. I can satisfy immensely, no vain boast. My email address is with you: let me know if you’re interested. I’m telling you, once you go Indian, you’d be craving for nothing else. From the land of Kama Sutra, you shouldn’t return empty and disappointed.

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About the Author

LOCAVORista: A curious adventurer exploring the culinary delights and local traditions around the world. Currently on a 3 year round-the-world trip discovering amazing cultures, must-eats and off-the-beaten-track destinations.

About the Author
LOCAVORista: A curious adventurer exploring the culinary delights and local traditions around the world. Currently on a 3 year round-the-world trip discovering amazing cultures, must-eats and off-the-beaten-track destinations.


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